


Unholy

by PeachGO3



Series: SPN Inspired by German Songs [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Comfort, M/M, Other, Songfic, Wings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-20
Updated: 2019-03-20
Packaged: 2019-11-26 13:00:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18180920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeachGO3/pseuds/PeachGO3
Summary: When Lucifer finally comes back, Nick has a lot of questions. But if he’s honest with himself, he only wanted to be with his angel again.





	Unholy

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Unheilig’s “Unter deiner Flagge”. The band’s name is literally “unholy”, so yeah, figures. Enjoy xx.

Things weren’t quite the same since Lucifer had come back, just as the process of him entering Nick hadn’t been the same either.

When Lucifer possessed him for the first time, the night he had disguised himself as Sarah, his entrance was ruthless and brutal, almost ripping him apart. After Nick had said ‘yes’, the glaring light had burned his inside, only to be followed by Lucifer’s distinctive coldness, which burned equally painful.

Later Nick had learned he was just a makeshift, a provisional arrangement the devil had made, and that his body would eventually crash from the angel inside him. Nick hadn’t been unconscious, but he also wasn’t himself. He had kept watching himself do all those terrible things Lucifer did, but through an icy waterfall, white with light and reflection and loud, a roaring rush.

The second time, after he was resurrected, Lucifer’s entrance had felt automatized. And cold as ever. Nick had felt more stable, the burn had been gone, but as were the sounds and any other feelings. He had been chained and alone, unable to move or think straight.

And now?

 

 _Come, sit with me_  
_Tell me about yourself_  
_I thought so often about_  
_asking you so many things_

 

They strolled through a lonely garden, flowers blooming. The night was clear and cold, stars shining down on them.  
“How was it?”  
“Hm?” Lucifer said, swinging his arms in a nervous motion.  
“The Empty. You wanna talk about it?”

“Not sure.”  
“Okay then. Take your time. I can only imagine it must’ve been rough.”

Lucifer nodded.

When he had come back, when he had entered him this time, it was different. Everything was different now.  
He had struggled to ask Nick in his dreams, and Nick had felt it was because the angel was afraid of him saying ‘no’. But after all that they’ve been through, was there any other answer than ‘yes’?

“I wanted you back so badly,” Nick remembered saying on the verge of tears.  
“So you give me your permission?”  
“Of course.” It had been a desperate and sad whisper, prompting Lucifer to ask again, and Nick had said ‘yes’ again.

It was then when the angel, his angel, entered him for the third time.  
It had been beyond gentle and it had taken more time than the times before, but most than anything, it hadn’t felt cold.

Instead, Nick sighed as if the light had embraced him, warmed him. He had felt a shimmering power wrap around his soul. It was Lucifer’s Grace, warm and protecting.

 

 _Tell me about your dream of bliss_  
_What was your most beautiful moment?_  
_Say, are you proud of what’s now_  
_and of the years that have passed?_

 

They sat down on a lonely bench, and Lucifer looked down, studying the grass below his feet. Their feet.  
Nick was conscious. Lucifer had joint him in his body, he didn’t lock him away anymore.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” Nick whispered, clutching the Grace around him tightly.  
“I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you, jackass,” Lucifer laughed nervously. Nick paused for a moment. Lucifer had told him his prayer had awoken him from the Empty, bringing him back as he followed Nick’s helpless cries.

“I wouldn’t be at all if it wasn’t for you,” Nick said.

 

_Without you, I wouldn’t be_

 

As soon as Lucifer had returned, he felt whole again. He had hoped that the angel’s presence would suffocate all the feelings he felt, the rage and darkness.

But it was different now. Lucifer didn’t make all the pain disappear as he had done before. The pain was still there, but the angel soothed it, his cold calming the burn inside of Nick. Instead of making all the bad feelings disappear, Lucifer gave him all new feelings – which must’ve been the Grace curled around his soul – and his warmth comforted him further. Nick felt home.

They were together now, truly together, and they could work through all this together. They could soothe each other and figure things out, and they had all the time in the world. And that was something Nick was both incredibly happy and excited about.

What Nick found most interesting about the new situation seemed banal in comparison. But now that they shared a body, Nick could feel and see Lucifer’s strong wings. They were huge pinions, feathered, but not in all places, as if Hell’s fires had burned them too badly. Many feathers were crooked, and some even had some blood on them. From the fall maybe?

But beside all that black and red, there was pink. The devil’s wings were pink, the most beautiful shade, mellow and silky.

Nick chuckled. Lucifer used these to shield him, and were there any better shields in the universe?

 

 _I’m under your flag, your love is my shield_  
_Under your flag, the wind carries your name_  
_Under your flag, your love is my word_  
_Under your flag you can carry me anywhere_

 

“Stop being so sentimental, Nick, you’re making me all antsy.”  
“Sorry. Was driftin’ off. I’m still not used to being so…”  
“Connected?” Lucifer asked. His voice was firmer now, but soon his breath became more unsteady again.

“Hey,” Nick said. He gripped the Grace tight again, as if he was holding a hand. A pulsating, cosmic hand, that was, but hey, now that difference wasn’t so big, was it?  
“You’re making me laugh,” Lucifer said nervously.

Nick sighed. “What happened to you?”

Lucifer shrugged. “Don’t know. All this coming back to life stuff is pretty draining I guess.”  
“No, that’s not what I meant.”

Lucifer leaned back, the wings calmly resting against the bench. “You mean me not torturing you any longer, is it that? Me being all soft and cuddly?”

“You never tortured me, ever.”

Lucifer didn’t react to that, he just looked up into the sky.

“I admire you,” Nick said.  
“You do? Don’t make me laugh.”  
“Don’t say that.” Nick felt his sadness welling up again. “You saved me.”

Lucifer snapped. “Bullshit. If you say that again, I’ll cut you out, inmediatamente.”  
“Why don’t you want to hear it? In the past you would’ve agreed, proudly so! Having you here now is different than what I expected, too, but it’s better than anything I could ever wish for.” Nick trembled. He couldn’t understand why Lucifer didn’t want to be his savior anymore. Was his angel _that_ broken?

Nick embraced the Grace once again, caressing it as it trembled around him.

 

 _Come, stroll a little while with me_  
_Tell me more about yourself_  
_I wished so often for_  
_asking you so many things_

 

“The Empty is a shithole. Total nothingness, not even darkness. All angels go there, and demons, too. We don’t go to Heaven or Hell. We go into nothingness and sleep for all eternity.”

Nick listened as Lucifer finally opened up a little.

“When I heard your voice,” he continued, his bottom lip shaking, “when you prayed to me, I… I awoke. And I wondered what in my father’s name had come over you. You sounded so lost, and I wanted to help you. But why would you pray to me, the one who pulled you into this mess in the first place? The one who used you and locked you up like an animal? You knew I was ready to throw you away, man.”

“That was the past,” Nick said slowly. “It was when you were waiting for Sam Winchester. Or when you were jumping from vessel to vessel ‘cause of Crowley. Now is different.”  
“But what difference do these feelings make? They don’t change anything I did to you,” Lucifer whispered, brows furrowed.

Nick was about to cry. “That’s not what counts! Why can’t you see that? I needed you, and I need you still. We’re bonded, Lucifer.”

 

 _Where do you find strength_  
_to always look forward?_  
_To fight like a lion_  
_and step into the future?_  
_And to stand by me?_

 

“Why did you let me be conscious this time, eh?”

Lucifer clenched his jaw and fumbled with his hands. He knew why. Nick stopped talking. He had already talked too much, and his thoughts were clearly troubling his angel. So, he decided to just sit still, embraced by the pulsating Grace around him, feeling it calm down. Feeling it leaning into him, _melting_ into him.

The night wind was balmy and smelled of spring. It brushed the sleeping trees. A few animals scurried by the park, a deer looked at them with dark eyes before disappearing into the bushes again. Everything seemed so peaceful.

 

_Come, sit with me  
I love being with you_

 

Finally, Lucifer broke the silence. “It was because I couldn’t touch you the way I did before. I… felt so strange when I saw you again.”  
Nick listened.  
“That’s why I didn’t possess you. It’s something I’ve never felt before. Or, maybe I did… eons ago, when I was still with my family.”

Nick smiled, nuzzling against the light around him.

“Oh, look.”

“Sun’s rising soon,” Nick said. He recognized the colors, these were Lucifer’s and his wings’. The Light Bringer giving room for the sun to taint the sky in them before she shone her light onto the world. Lucifer, the Morningstar, was with him.

 

 _I wished so often for_  
_telling you this:_  
_Without you, I wouldn’t be_  
_I love you_

**Author's Note:**

> I’m so curious where S14 will take these two. Thank you for reading ♡


End file.
